This is the English transcript of our comic strip-like review of Adventure Island.
Click here to see the original
Master Higgins:Kenny, how do I look?
I dressed up for the occasion.
Kenny, the snail:Hmf hmf!
Master Higgins:Thanks, you're too kind. <3
Ah, here comes sanjuro, at last! Dear friend, welcome to...
sanjuro:Hi Master Higgins! Sorry for being late, I had troubles finding the isle. So this is the Adventure Island? I thought it would be bigger.
Master Higgins:Oh my god! You killed Kenny!! The snail I've been taming for more than 9 years. NOOOO!!
sanjuro:Oops!
Master Higgins:Ke... Kenny... my faithful slimy...
Bah, never mind! We can always roast it tonight, I know you French enjoy eating snails.
Master Higgins:The sun's rising. You came to explore the Adventure Island, so let's get going! By the way, call me Takahashi, Master Higgins is my name adapted for the West. "Meijin" means "master".
Master Higgins:An area, like the first one here, is divided into four even sections where you resume after losing a life. You start at checkpoint S (Start) to reach checkpoint G (Goal). On your way, you must avoid the monsters of course but also pick up fruits because your energy bar decreases constantly.
sanjuro:Lil' bit hungry?
Master Higgins:Beware the rocks! They make you tumble.
Master Higgins:sanjuro... have you ever been told you look like Super Mario?
sanjuro:?
Master Higgins:This is it, done ! To the next one. There are 4 of them per level and 8 levels in all. You often see the same backgrounds...
Master Higgins:This for instance is a cave. As you can see, even though the colours are well-chosen the graphics is not diversified or remarkable.
sanjuro:What is that, over there?
Master Higgins:This, is an egg. Inside you'll find the (hatchet) with which I strike down the enemies because I cannot jump on them. Sometimes you can also find bonuses or the (fairy) which is like the (star) in your game. Well... I mean Super Mario Bros.
sanjuro:Takahashi! Look what I've found!
Master Higgins:Oh yes, the skateboard! It allows you to go faster and protects you once only.
sanjuro:Waouh! Mamma mia! I am Stacy Peralta!
sanjuro and Higgins:You can shoot fireballs too!
sanjuro:By the by, what's your goal?
Master Higgins:To rescue my girlfriend Tina who's been kidnapped.
sanjuro:Like min... err, no, nothing.
Master Higgins:We're almost there! Let's go!
sanjuro:Eeeek!!! What's happening to me!?
Master Higgins:The game is flickering. I guess you're not used to it. Sorry!
Master Higgins:Tina!! That's it! We've done it! And the final boss is not even here! How lucky!
Master Higgins:sanjuro?
sanjuro:Hehe..
Master Higgins:What's going on? Oh my god, sanjuro, your head!
character:Idiot! Haven't you understood yet? I am not sanjuro!
Master Higgins:But then... you must be... Super Mario!?
character:Triple idiot!!! I am Tom-Tom... the Wonder Boy.
Master Higgins:Oooh!
Master Higgins:I stole this disguise from 1UP. As for sanjuro, I knocked him on the head, tied him up and threw him in a closet. It's been such a long time since I wanted to get my revenge on you, Takahashi Parmentier (translator's note: a pun on the identically-pronounced "Hachis Parmentier", a French meal)
Master Higgins:What what?? But I did nothing!
Tom-Tom:Liar! Thief! You took my game and my success away from me!
Master Higgins:Help! What are you going to do with me?
Tom-Tom:You'll see.
Master Higgins:It can't end like this! I am the hero, I deserve a beautiful conclusion.
Tom-Tom:Stop whining. If sanjuro, this moron, was here, I can clearly see his conclusion: "Blablabla, this game is always the same thing, and it's impossible, it's too hard, gnagnagna, the musics are nice, but the rest, pouah! And this Takahashi is ugly, never as sexy as Tom-Tom." But don't worry, Taka, I'll take care of your girlfriend while you're away.
Master Higgins:Have mercy! This is my last life and the game has no continue!
sanjuro:Don't worry, Takahashi managed to escape... but the fire burnt off all his hair. Bad luck!
That was the 199th review, to mark the occasion and most of all to ease the wait until the 200th. During the long incoming hiatus, do not lose faith in 1UP! We'll be back, even stronger!


(translation by sanjuro)